Why Testimony

A “Why Testimony” is something our fantastic team lead assigned us pretty early on during our stay in Guatemala. It’s a tool so that we might be better prepared to share why we have decided to go on the world race. This has been something I have loved having prepared because when you tell people you are traveling the world for a year because of Jesus they tend to have a fair amount of questions. The purpose of the Why Testimony is to share our why in a few sentences. In this blog I want to share that with you and also dig deeper into my testimony up until this point in my life. 

Why Testimony

I decided to go on the world race because of the radical change that Jesus has brought about in my life. I used to be in a very dark and depressing place. I didn’t want to live anymore and could not find purpose in my life. Jesus has given me that purpose; in his work, my family, my friends, and newfound callings. That’s why I have decided to go on the world race. Because Jesus has changed me so radically and I know he can do the same for all the peoples of the world. 

This is my current Why Testimony that I share in some way or another when the question of why comes up during our many ministry interactions. Now I want to give you, my friends and family, a deeper understanding into what God has done for and called me into. Bear with me as this might be a lengthier blog.

The story of my personal relationship with Jesus begins with my parents. God has blessed me with two parents who believe in and live out the gospel everyday. Part of living out the gospel for my parents has been starting and running a church for the past 18 years or so. This means I was raised as a pastors kid and someone who was constantly in church. Sun up to sundown sometimes 5 days a week I found myself in a church building or church activity. This might sound like a living nightmare for some people but it is where I found my identity, in almost everything I did. I helped in kids church (as a kid), helped in youth events (as a youth), and lead young adults groups (as a young adult). I loved the work and loved Jesus. I found my friends, my mentors, and anything else a young boy could look for inside of our church family. It was quite literally my everything. 

I lived and acted out the perfect life in church, yet I still found myself in a deep depression starting around junior high and following me into college. I went to church at least twice a week and got involved in as many clubs and groups at school as I could. I maintained my 4.0 gpa, won awards, was a leader in several clubs, I was well liked by plenty of kids in school, and I still made time for church. I did all these things and still when I was alone at night I pondered if others and myself would be better off if I seized to exist. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I was feeling this way. But I was the perfect kid so what could I do other than ponder these things by myself. The perfect kid didn’t ask for help or admit he was broken. How could I be a leader in the youth group if I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. How was I to admit to my parents, younger brothers, and youth leaders that the one they depended on was lost and very much alone. Often times I thought to myself that I should seek Jesus in these moments but I always fell short. I would tell myself it was no use, people who had a true relationship with the Lord didn’t feel the way I felt. I thought I must be broken and unable to be saved from the darkness I had found myself in.

I remember the day so clearly that I had made up my mind to end my life. Having found no rest and hope I had reached the end of myself. I was going to simply seize to exist and life around me would continue. Surely those around me would be better off without someone who struggled with the things I did. I was in the car with my brother following a particularly hard day at school when I began to break down. I asked him to get out of my car so that I could go off alone and end my life. Whether it be the stubbornness of my brother or a genuine concern he refused to leave me alone. He saved my life that day. God used my brother to save my life. God had placed him with me in that moment and I just didn’t realize that yet. Following this event I began therapy at my parents request and began to work through some of my mental health issues. This began an almost four year journey of self discovery and working through some barriers I had put up in regards to my mental well being. 

Despite working through many of my issues involving depression and anxiety I hadn’t yet turned to the Lord. So far I was able to do and solve thing things on my own. Granted, I wasn’t doing it well but it worked. My walk really began in an earnest and truthful point following my sophomore year of college. My physical and mental health had started to once again decline. I was faced with many life changes and my future plans had to be all thrown out. Around this time as well, issues with my liver were brought to my attention. Lots of restless nights and worrying about the unknown left me feeling once again, very depressed and unsure about myself and my future. The difference this time was I knew I couldn’t do it alone. This time I leaned into my family and friends heavily. As I’ve mentioned before my family is full of believers, this meant lots of prayer and seeking peace in God with them. It was something so familiar yet so foreign for me. To seek comfort in the Lord was something I had never tried to do. I was used to dealing with my issues and trying to fix everything for myself. For the first time however, I found I couldn’t fix myself. The doctors didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t know, my parents didn’t know. The only one who did know was God. I like to think this is the point in my story were God kind of forced my hand. He was all I had! I could sit and wallow about the damage on my liver and the unknowns that came with that or I could trust in God. This isn’t to say I didn’t seek answers and healing from medicine but it means I found my peace in God knowing he had a plan for my life. And boy did he have a plan for me. He’s called me here today, to be writing this blog in Guatemala and to continue to serve as His hands and feet across the world this year. 

To know that He calls me His and I get to live and serve with Him has transformed my life. It’s given me a new perspective on what it means to live and how I should live. I now live for hope, peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness. 

So now when I share my Why Testimony you will understand what I mean when I say that Jesus has changed me radically. He has taken from a point of despair and brokenness and decided to use me to share his wonderful message. He has called me to love and care for those who feel the way I felt, to minister to those who shared in the same doubts and despair. God has shone a light so bright in my life that I have no choice but to let that shine through me!

With all that being said, if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression please seek help. From a family member, a friend, a professional, or God. It can be an isolating and scary time so please reach out. I am always available to listen and discuss these things with you guys. 

As always,

Much Love and God Bless

Jaden